Hope these weren't in YOUR papers...
Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash,
Expert Says
Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
Stud Tires Out
Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over
Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again
Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
Eye Drops off Shelf
Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
Bill Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
Squad Helps Dog Bite Victim
Enraged Cow Injures Farmer With Ax
Miners Refuse to Work After Death
Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
Stolen Painting Found by Tree
Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
Two Sisters Reunited After 18 Years in Checkout Counter
Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in Ten Years
Never Withhold Herpes Infection from Loved One
Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in '84
War Dims Hope for Peace
If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
Man Struck by Lightening Faces Battery Charge
New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft
Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
Arson Suspect Held in Massachusetts Fire
Lansing Residents Can Drop off Trees
Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
Man Minus Ear Waives Hearing
Deaf College Opens Door to Hearing
Air Head Fired
Steals Clock, Faces Time
Prosecutor Releases Probe into Undersheriff
Old School Pillars are Replaced by Alumni
Hospitals are Sued by Seven Foot Doctors
Some Pieces of Rock Hudson are Sold at Auction
Sex Education Delayed; Teachers Request Training
Include Your Children When Baking Cookies
Chemistry Teacher Dissolves Body
Abstracted from http://www.uwm.edu/People/backes/jokes/headlines.htm
Hope they don't
mind : ))